I once told a friend to write about how they have nothing to write about if they have nothing to write about
+ I made a zine for you!
“I want to write, but I feel that I have nothing to write about,” she said one October evening.
“Then why don’t you write about this?” I said, almost at the expense of sounding intelligent.
“About what?” she asked.
“About not having anything to write about.”
“Hmm,” she responded, not sounding very confident about the idea I had just proposed.
I smirked as if I had made the most sensible remark and given the most striking advice to someone who wanted to resume writing.
After the call ended, I sat with myself, thinking about my own writing routine and creative habits. Do I exercise this with myself when I have nothing to write about? The answer was a resounding yes. With time, I have gradually built the muscle to write about anything and everything. When nothing strikes, I write about how I am doing at the moment and some stories begin to weave through.
What about the times when I have no will to write? When I am feeling at my worst? Then, am I able to creatively pass the hurdle of my feelings and write about how I am doing?
Hmm, this wasn’t as obvious! So here I am writing to you guys whilst at the deepest trench of my being. Don’t worry about me—it’s absolutely normal.
December, for me, has always been the month of depressive episodes.
This time, December started on a really good note. It almost surprised me. I had wrapped up the most beautiful event of the year that I was not only attending but also co-leading. I travelled to Udaipur for a personal commitment, which was GREAT, and then I found myself in Bir, my safe haven, where I fell sick for a week.
In sickness, I found myself deteriorating both physically and mentally. I could see it happening live, and yet no power in me could stop it. The spell of December was on.
The last few days, almost an entire week, have been tough. I have found myself tiptoeing across the little mental mines in my head to avoid a complete breakdown. I am sailing through. I don’t know if writing about it will help me, but I just wish to apply the same advice to myself that I so often give to others.
Every six months or so, I find myself deeply regretting my life choices and the kind of work that I do. On such days, I feel extremely insecure about people who earn more than me. I begin to feel like I have lost the past few years trying to work on an idea that will never get fulfilled, and I regret not choosing the conventional path of doing a master’s, getting a high-paid job, and just climbing the corporate ladder—the fate that was designed for me.
You see, I never had extraordinary dreams. I just wanted to live the everyday ordinary life and maximize it completely. This has been my definition of extraordinary.
I have been on a quest for the past three years to build my life in such a way that allows for intentional, slow, and creative living where I can dictate how I spend my time. I love to work. I respect money as well—it’s just that I am a bit picky about which projects I want to work on and which don’t serve my time.
I have wanted to live such a selective life that I now feel cornered every couple of months, finding myself at the loose ends of living as if hanging on a razor’s edge, where a slight blow of the wind can find me astray. On such days, every living being holds the power to make me feel insecure about myself. I literally saw a tree today and felt insecure about how it is fulfilling its purpose in the larger scheme of things, but I wasn’t.
Now that we’re talking about purpose, I know that my purpose was never to boost the shareholder value of a company (there’s nothing wrong in doing that). In fact, I believe there is no purpose at all. But whatever said and done, living in a dysfunctional society with interlinked relationships and ecosystems, it is hard not to fall into the fangs of the system that defines success and purpose as material wealth.
I repeatedly tell my mind that I can’t go on pursuing one path while hoping to reap the fruits of a totally different path. It’s not like the creative field is not abundant with money—it’s just that it’s not as linear as the other well-defined fields. There are multiple factors that determine a person’s success in the creative field. I have had the fortune of taking up the most interesting and aligned projects while also making money off them. I have had ultimate time freedom in the past few years, which has allowed me to live a very meaningful and intentional life. But again, who asks for my yearly time saved? Everyone just asks how much I am earning.
I am not the one to get troubled by society’s woes—if that was the case, I wouldn’t have dared to build the life I have built—but I too get tired of putting up a confident face when I don’t feel confident inside. I too often worry about having to tell people what I do when asked at parties and at dinner conversations with family. I often feel scared of having to answer questions about my finances. As a 28-year-old male, I should have been earning well enough to provide for a family (in the Indian context as per society's standards).
In one empathetic corner of my mind, I am content with the life that I am living, and that is the corner where I spend the most amount of time in the year. But there are other corners too that are equally a part of me—that resent me, hate me, and absolutely unacknowledge my journey altogether. In the end, both parts are me and serve me. Perhaps there is some truth in the part that despises me and wants better for me. Perhaps that is the part that wants me to live in abundance and without shame.
I hope to give love to that part of myself as well. Perhaps that’s exactly what it needs—a bottle of empathy, two spoons of acceptance, and a bowl full of love. I can’t force myself to love that part, but I can write to acknowledge it, to at least begin seeing it. I can’t promise I won’t resent myself a couple of months from now; I only pray to be gentler with myself. Perhaps a little gentler.
PS: Oh, and to my friend who felt they had nothing to write about—this is how you do it. Writing is wearing your heart on your sleeve, even on the days it doesn’t serve you. Writing is about completely exposing yourself. It’s a performance, after all—all of this.
Dear reader, I have a surprise for you today. I’ve been working on a zine template and it’s finally ready. You can download it in PDF and JPG formats using the image/file below.
In case the QR code doesn’t work, here is the link. If you have any questions or run into issues, don’t hesitate to write back. Feel free to share the zine with your friends, family, and loved ones. I’d be especially thrilled if kids get involved in creating it—it’s such a fun and creative activity! If I get a good response, I’d love to design more zine templates for you in the future.
On this note, I have another surprise for you!
Below is a wellness wheel template that we recently used during a community event. It’s a great tool for self-reflection.
How to Use the Wellness Wheel:
Download and print the file.
Reflect on the eight sections of your life represented in the wheel.
Rank your satisfaction with each area on a scale of 1 to 10 (1 = struggling, 10 = thriving).
Colour the corresponding number of spaces from the centre outward.
When you’re done, the visual will help you identify areas that need improvement and those you’re happy with. Feel free to share this with your community—I’d love to hear how it worked for you!
I truly hope you enjoy these two activities. They’re small steps toward creativity and self-awareness.
As a feature of all my newsletters, I share one song, one book, one plant-based meal, one film/video that inspired me, and some photographic updates from my life.
Song: I am listening to Kabir these days. Here is one I really enjoyed.
Book/Newsletter: I am reading (Ibnebatuti) इब्नेबतूती by Divya Prakash Dubey.
Meal: I tried a strange-looking taco at a cafe in Gurgaon. Let’s just say it wasn’t my favorite!
Film/Video: I watched an incredible documentary on Kabir this week. It’s beautifully made. The songs are a treat!
Thank you for reading my newsletter! I hope you enjoyed reading it. If you liked my work, please consider subscribing. I write weekly on topics ranging from photography and nostalgia to loneliness and living as an artist. If you have any feedback, I would love to hear from you—feel free to email or comment! Wishing you a wonderful week ahead, and I look forward to seeing you next week!
Also, downloaded and taken out a print out of your zine :) Going to fill it tomorrow.
Love love love ❤️
Bhai, we need to get on a call!