Deconstructing Overwhelm

Is it a valid emotion?

I know that overwhelm is a valid emotion, and I feel it all too often myself. When I question its validity, it’s not about whether it's valid to feel it, but rather whether what I’m feeling is truly overwhelm or a complex combination of nuanced emotions converging all at once.

Growing up, I hardly remember feeling overwhelmed.

Angry? Yes.
Sad? Absolutely.
Joyful? Certainly.
But overwhelm? That’s a bit unclear.

Were my random bouts of irritation actually overwhelm? Or those gloomy days when I wanted to escape from everything and everyone—was that overwhelm?
Was my decision to go off WhatsApp for a year during college a response to feeling overwhelmed?

It’s impossible to go back in time and check with my younger self, but what’s certain is that it wasn’t until my mid-20s that I learned about overwhelm as a linguistic term.

I clearly recall feeling overwhelmed during my time as a teacher, while volunteering with an organization, and in several relationships.

So, does vocabulary play a role in how deeply we feel and process an emotion?
Does understanding an emotion in a literal sense translate to truly comprehending it as a feeling from within? I believe it does.

If that’s the case, I almost wish I had never learned this word.

Lately, I’ve been feeling overwhelmed at every possible opportunity. Like the streets of Gurgaon that fill up too fast at the slightest drizzle, blocking traffic on both ends, I find myself shutting down too quickly in difficult conversations, elaborate plans, or anything that demands too much of my mental energy.

Mumbai didn’t feel the same this time, partly because of how overwhelmed I felt there. The intrinsic pressure to meet all my friends, the elaborate planning needed to coordinate schedules, the guilt of not being able to work properly—all of this was compounded by the intense humidity, and weather that now feels foreign after living in Bir.

At the airport on my way back from Mumbai, I felt almost numb. I just wanted to sleep for a very long time. When my flight took off, I slept, and gradually, as the evening proceeded, I began to feel better.

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When I seek to understand the reasons behind certain behaviours, I often turn to the lens of evolutionary psychology. Just as the origins of anxiety are rooted in evolution, I wonder if overwhelm, too, has its roots in our ancestral past.

To explore this, I closed my eyes and imagined myself living in the times of our early ancestors. I pictured myself sitting in the middle of a deserted land, with a head full of hair, and for some reason, I envisioned myself as a young woman in her early teens. I was alone. With the wind carrying the scent of the sea, my hair flowed with the wind, and I felt a fleeting sense of freedom. But that feeling quickly faded when I realized I had no idea where I was or what I was doing there. I stood up, realizing I was separated from my tribe, and gathered the courage to stealthily run towards a tree.

I paused, opened my eyes, and asked myself: what could overwhelm me in this moment?

The answer came almost instantly: the overwhelming threat of predators, other animals, or even members of other tribes.

But diving deeper into this imagined scenario might only magnify something that doesn't truly exist, as all of this was just a product of my imagination.

Coming back to the 21st century, I tried a basic Google Trends search and found interesting results.

Clearly, overwhelm as a feeling is a topic that has ignited interest in the past few years. While there can be several factors, I can’t help but blame social media as the biggest one. The amount of information that we engage with on a daily basis has increased multifold. Social media, driven by mindless reels, the chasing algorithm, and the pressure to stay active and relevant, steals the opportunity for the mind to just be.

From Human Beings, we have become Human Doings, constantly doing stuff to avoid getting bored. Exactly what causes overwhelm.

Is the answer to feeling overwhelmed then lying flat on the bed without a purpose, going for a long walk, or just sitting silently—all of these activities without having a phone around? I will try and check for myself.

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I am back from Mumbai after a successful art retreat and am at my parent’s house for a couple of days. Next, I am travelling to my grandparent’s home in Rewari, Haryana. Excited to share more about my village in the next newsletter and stories from there.

In the last newsletter, I shared the cover of a zine that I had made. I also shared that zine cover on notes and a few people said that they would like to see it. So, here’s the zine. It’s my first zine, and I made it impromptu during the zine making session that I facilitated at the retreat.

The adventures of pen and sketch pen

Once upon a time, lived a sketch pen. The sketch pen was raised by a family of pens.

The sketch pen was told that it had to become a pen.

It cried, it felt angry, it felt remorse but ultimately it became a PEN.

It looked nice, cute, orderly but it lacked…..

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For this week’s Artist Lounge:

I’m honoured to present Anupama, an independent artist, wall muralist, painter, traveller, creative facilitator and a dear friend.

The Artist Lounge stems from my long-held dream of documenting the lives of artists.

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I met Anupama for the first time last year in October. We have been in touch since over Instagram. We have been working on a collaborative project for the past few months that is yet to take shape and got postponed due to my work commitments. However, when I returned from my Pune teaching project feeling confident about my abilities as a facilitator and artist, a call that boosted my confidence multifold was Anupama’s. She asked me if I would like to be a facilitator for an upcoming corporate art retreat in Mumbai. I couldn’t believe my luck. Is that what being in the right place at the right time felt like?

I said a full-body yes and co-facilitated the retreat with her. Anupama is a proficient facilitator and space designer. I learned a lot about facilitation by observing her and spending time with her at the retreat. I am glad I got the opportunity to work with her.

One thing that I really cherished about her as an artist is that every morning during the retreat, she would wake up and find a quaint corner for herself at the resort to paint. As artists, we need to be disciplined with our art and do it even on days when other projects and commitments bind us. I learned this from Anupama.

I wish you the best, Anupama. I hope we get to work on many such projects.

You can find her work here. Her Instagram is here.

As a feature of all my newsletters, I share one song, one book, one plant-based meal, one film/video that inspired me, and some photographic updates from my life.

• Song: Zeb Bangash’s Aaja Re Moray Saiyaan has been lifting my spirits lately. I love Zeb’s voice.

  

• Book/Newsletter: The Cafe by

  Steinbergdrawscartoons
  inspired me to share my little novice zine here in the newsletter. We all start from somewhere.

• Meal: My friends Hoori and Dhanik offered me a meal of Homemade Pani Puri. I ate a bit too much but it’s not every day that you get to eat homemade Pani Puri!

  

• Film/Video: I am watching (yet to finish) Anurag Minus Verma’s podcast with Varun Grover. I love both of these people. Amazing writers, artists and well-intentioned people.

• Photograph: Here are the photographs of the past few days. Took this set in Mumbai at Juhu Beach.

  

  

  

  Sunset at Juhu Beach

More photographs from the past week. Camera Gully, Walkeshwar, Banganga, Chembur, Churchgate, Marine Drive… Bombay, you have my heart.

Photographs from Mumbai

Hope you have a brilliant day and week ahead. Thank you for reading.